Jurassic Coast Branch Chair at an Indian Wedding by Marjorie Bandy

On New Year’s Eve 2022 I travelled to India to be a guest at a wedding. The sister of one of my friends Clinta was getting married. So why was I invited? A couple of year ago Clinta asked me if I could help her sister Catherine to improve her English as she wanted to move to Canada. With the help of WhatsApp and email we started on “lessons “ once a week, starting with just conversation and progressing to written work with me setting her homework. We started off with a simple thank you letter and over months progressed to her writing short stories. For anyone who knows me you won’t be surprised to read that I sent her work back complete with red ink corrections! It paid off and she passed the exams. She always promised that I would be invited to her wedding

In India unmarried women rarely ever venture out alone or with friends and so have little opportunity to meet members of the opposite sex. Arranged marriage is therefore the norm. At the end of November Catherine sent me a picture of her with a very handsome man with the announcement “ we are getting engaged.” The handsome young man is Akhil who lives on Canada but was home in Kerala specifically to get married. The regulations for taking a wife to Canada meant that the wedding was set for 2nd and 4th January. Initially it seemed that I would not be able to go as getting a visa for India for anyone from the UK is very difficult and usually takes months to arrange. Suddenly in mid-December the rules changed and I was able to apply of an e-visa. All I needed now was a plane ticket. The Jurassic Coast branch to the rescue as Pauline Stow’s son-in-law runs a personalised travel agency. Sorted.

Now for the packing. I had been warned that I would be wearing a Sari for the first ceremony but was specifically asked to look like an English guest complete with large hat for the second. My hand luggage contained little more than said hat.

I flew to Cochin in Kerala State which is predominately Christian and Romain Catholic. The family made me very welcome, and I stayed with a family member. I arrived Sunday and spent Monday getting the necessary jewellery for my sari experience and having the bouse made. The sari colour had already been chosen for me. Next day was the engagement ceremony which took place in the Parish church of the bride. For this the bride and her immediate family all wore the same colour, a rich burgundy. This service is the responsibility of the bride’s family and is followed by a meal and then all of the groom’s family come back to the bride’s house for tea and a piece of cake. This welcomes the joining of the two families. After that the groom and his family leave and we the bride’s side have a party. I asked why the engagement happens in church and Clinta explained that as all marriages are arranged the priest will ask both bride and groom whether they really want this marriage. Church is a safe environment should this be a forced marriage. 

Getting ready for this first event was an experience. A beautician arrived to get me ready, very professional makeup and then I was “dressed” in my sari. I certainly couldn’t have done it myself. Despite wearing the same as everyone else with my blonde hair I hardly blended in.

Wednesday was a rest day albeit I was taken on a sightseeing day.

Thursday was the actual wedding ceremony and unlike here, the Wedding Day is the responsibility of the groom’s family and takes place in their parish church. For this I was able to dress myself. The hat proved to cause a lot of excitement and I can honestly say I have never had my photograph taken so often and with people I didn’t know. 

The bride and groom walk into church together followed by both sets of immediate family, the groom’s mother carrying a basket of gifts, one of which is a sari, and the bride after the service, changes out of her white dress into this. 

After the 1 ½ hour Nuptial Mass [of which I understood not one word] we went to the groom’s family house. After prayers at the entrance and the handing over of the dowry we were all invited in to again have tea and cake. Catherine arriving on the back of Akhil’s motorbike sitting side saddle in white dress and veil and an escort of about 20 bikes of Akhil’s friends. After this we went on to the reception.

After the wedding I had a 3 day escorted trip around Kerala enjoying a peaceful day on a lake houseboat and then up to the hills around Munnar to see the tea plantations and ending in Cochin and the wonderful houses now hotels from the time that India was part of Empire before returning to the airport and a return to wet and windy Weymouth.

Lt Col (Rtd) Marjorie Bandy RRC